Watching it unfold
So let me quickly clean up with a clichée about self development here.
About my own self development infact.
Self development is not about repairing yourself, or as a fact feeling better.
Self development is not about positive thinking.
I am currently going through the motions of a breakup and it sucks.
Ever less, but nonetheless.
It’s not even all that dramatic.
It is just the monkey in my head, raging in it’s cage.
Much more often than I like, I let him take control and I act like an idiot.
Practicing being present in all of this is not about being all fuzzy and warm, but being present to all that stuff that is raging and roaring inside of me and to just let that be there.
It’s obviously somehow a part of me and resisting it, or trying to kill these unwanted feelings or parts of me will only make them bite back.
Or, as the proverb goes: what you resist persists.
As long as you struggle and fight with something, it will never disappear – simply because you hug it so tightly in your efforts to strangle it.
If I try and resist unwanted thoughts and feelings, they will never go away.
Acceptance is what will get me through.
And again, it’s not that kind of fuzzy acceptance, like being a warm ball and all that.
No, I’m talking about turning the other cheek. The only way out is through.
So accept it, whatever it is that you may be dealing with right now. And then push through.
Or as Winston Churchill once said: “If you’re going through hell, keep walking!”
Or, put another way: let go.
And that’s what being present really means.
No attachment to what you already know and no anxiety about future outcomes. Stop it.
Just (fierce) love.