The best advice of 2020

The best advice I got given last year came, as it so often does, in a very unexpected moment. We were spending time in northern Germany with the family and gets busy with a whole lot of people and kids running around. 

I firmly believe that kids (and adults) benefit from having clear boundaries and I’m not shy to express them. So, I got annoyed with something my oldest nephew did – I don’t recall exactly what it was, but I said something like „stop yelling at your little brother all the time“. 

Just as I’d said it, my brothers’ mother in law passed me, with a load of sheets to hang up for drying. With a wink and a smile, she whispered „tell him what you want“ – and was gone. 

Tell him what you want. 

I didn’t really understand at first, and frankly I was slightly annoyed at her meddling in my attempt to play adult. But the more I thought about it, the more I realized the pure gold in her little Statement. 

Tell him what you want. 

We have a very instinctive and clear idea of the things we do not want. And it is very necessary to fend off that which is unwanted. But if that becomes all we do, it also becomes futile. 

Tell him what you want. 

It reminded me of the image of a ship. You can spend all day maintaining and greasing the engine, scraping off barnacles and making sure the paint looks good – working against the things that are unwelcome. It’s a bit like a hydra – you can hack off one head and two new ones will grow. 

And if there is no clear idea about and setting course to where the journey is going it is all useless. What’s the use of a ship that never leaves the port, or just drifts around? 

Of course, it takes more effort. 

It takes thinking about what it actually is that you want.  What the underlying principles may be and the obstacles you might face along the way. 

And then there is the whole deal of risking an outcome with that which you want. 

But it is that much more useful to try and express a vision, a possibility, a destination. 

Like in the example with my nephew, I might have told him how I would prefer he speaks to his little brother or ask him how he would like to be addressed. All that. 

Whatever that might have looked like is a lot more of an adult conversation to have. 

And that is something I think the world really needs right now. People addressing each other – and ourselves – as adults, expressing and discussing and deciding where we think the journey should be going and then following through, instead of policing the nitty gritty.

Eternal Stew

Have you ever heard of the eternal stew?

Back in the days of taverns and inns, there was a simple cheap meal on offer called the eternal stew.

Over the fire in the cauldron, bubbling away was a mixture of fish, cheap meat, roots, legumes, vegetables or whatever was in season, on offer, available or left over. The cauldron was never empty as water and random ingredients were added constantly and heated as required.

Don’t whistle while you pee

I have this quote by George Bernard Shaw pinned to my wall.
It’s about living life fully – and in service of the community.
Often times, when I look at it, I get an uncomfortable feeling.
Either I don’t serve enough, or well, or graceful – at least by my own estimate.
So last week, on a whim, I thought I’d just remove it.
I tried to pull the pin in the corner, straining my fingernails, but it wouldn’t budge.
I had a knife close by – a beautiful, rather short and very sharp hunting knife which I never use. It usually sits there and sometimes I take it out to admire it.

I grabbed it, unsheathed it and impatiently started working it as a lever between wall and pin.

My current morning Routine

“row row row your boat…”

These days I am getting tremendous value and satisfaction out of having and sticking to a morning routine (since early January).

Since I am currently self-employed there is no set schedule for me, leaving many days without a proper structure. 
Usually, I am notoriously bad with getting up early and getting a good start into the day.

Sticking to a routine like this allows me to start the day with a victory and sense of accomplishment before it has even really started.

Have-To’s vs. Might-Do’s

“Theseus erschlägt den Kentaur” by Antonio Canova Kunsthistorisches Museum, Vienna

Something that has been working incredibly well for me over the last couple of months, is increasing the stakes.
I’ve had a project going for all of 2018 where part of the objective was to quit smoking and watching porn. My friends have other objectives – these are mine.
And the price tag for all of these was 3€. We had a good start, but things started to plateau very quickly.